I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
