So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
