i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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