1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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