dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
