She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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