That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
