there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
