i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
