There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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