know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize