It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
