GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
