Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
