I cannot find my penis.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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