Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
