stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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