My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
