My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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