my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize