we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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