But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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