Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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