Will you blow on my dice?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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