Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
