I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
