he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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