I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
