I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They have beer where we have blood.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
