I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
