Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
