what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
