You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
