The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
