Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
