Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
