I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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