I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize