my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
did i just pee glitter
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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