Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
