hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
