The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
