hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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