is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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