Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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