I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
this is an emotional support booty call
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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