when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
