So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
