i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
