Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
