in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
