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I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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