all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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