I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
