Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
