just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
