4 words: hood of his car
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
