He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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