This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize