....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I see more hoeing in ur future
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