yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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