you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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