My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
