I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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