There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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