I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
