pop tarts are not kleenex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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