Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
