We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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