she woke up with a sticky ear
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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