New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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