Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
