I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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