youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
