I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
