I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
