I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
