Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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