You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
