His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
