Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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