you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
