Umm I'm too high to move.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
