It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
