yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
