I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
