Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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