the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
